Monday, February 22, 2010

Worst Day E V E R!!!!!

Today was literally the worst day of my life. Okay, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic, but I'm slightly serious...

I was working downstairs and I heard Katie scream in the kitchen. I jumped up and asked her what was wrong. She said I wouldn't believe it, but it was "really bad, Mom." That's never good. I again asked what was wrong and she said the cat had brought in a mouse--ALIVE! Arrgh! I went up the stairs and saw Pepper playing with at the top of the stairs. We all know that I am TERRIFIED of mice and something happens to me when I get scared that is disturbing--I completely freak out. I start screaming, crying and hyperventilating. It's super bad. I yelled at the cat to take it outside and she promptly batted it down the stairs! The mouse was jumping and trying to get away from her and all the while headed down to ME at the bottom of the stairs.

Eventually it came to a stop about half-way up/down the stairs and balled itself up. The girls were screaming, I was screaming and Pepper just seemed to take in all the excitement as though we were loudly thanking her (repeatedly) for the wonderful "gift." I grabbed the vacuum and thought I'd suck up The Beast with the hose. No. The Beast was too FAT! The girls threw me the broom and I thought about stabbing it, but what if it charged me and I missed it?!

There were far too many variables for me to take this impossible task on alone. I told the girls to summon the next door neighbor. He was able to kill something, I knew. They quickly went across the street and brought him over. I was already a basket case and little to no help for this sweet man. He asked (and eventually got himself) some paper towels to grab the vermin. Just as he was reaching for it, the Beast ran down the stairs--RIGHT TOWARDS ME!!!! I tried to hit it with the broom, but to no avail. (Okay, you know that dream that you have sometimes where you are being chased, but can't run away? Your legs don't work? You want to run, you will your legs to run, but yet nothing happens? That was me with the broom!)

The Beast quickly darted into the guest room and ran under the bed. My neighbor began throwing the guest bed and furniture to the side looking for the Beast. It had disappeared. Not wanting it to leave, I locked my neighbor in the guest room and blocked off the door. Soon he called for "something sharp." A KNIFE! I ran to the kitchen and quickly decided which knife I was NEVER going to use again after this day. Just as I approached the guest room door, my neighbor emerged carrying a plastic bag. No need for the knife, he stabbed it with the broom. Did I mention he is my favorite neighbor--EVER?! He is, now.

After he left, I contemplated various methods of decompression and finally decided on shopping. I ran out and got dinner fixings. After I started making dinner, I thought I should put the guest room back together. About that time JD came home and was helping me put the mattress back on the bed. There was something dark in the corner. JD picked it up. He said, "It's not a mouse. It's a petrified frog." WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON IN MY HOME?! I put my head down on the mattress and looked up at JD. "Really? Really?! Are you freaking KIDDING me?" Just as I said that, my eye began to twitch--ever so slightly. JD knew that I was going to lose it. I'm still not sure I won't...

(by the way, The Beast did not look that cute...)

1 comment:

  1. Great story! You would have never survived in my house growing up---not only did we have mice as pets but we also had snakes!
    All this time I thought WE were were your favorite neighbors...